Just Because The Lights Are Not On...

Does not mean nobody is home.

Why does this cruel world implicate me as the master of my own fate? When reality is that our fate has already been written many eons ago. Why is it that these tests on the heart kindle such a bitter emotion that can tear you into pieces?

What is the meaning of it all if the one you feel or felt so much for sees the opposite for you? Why can one person claim they feel so much and have such a intentful presence then suddenly change their mind?

I think I ask too many questions.

I think I explain myself way too much. I think I'm just a creep anymore. I have never made anybody happy completely. I have always shunned or destroyed all of my loves because I am so damn selfish and inquisitive. I hate that side of this soul. I have to change it and never go back.

What is so terrible about my current situation is that I feel so useless to it all now. Everything I was trying to work towards has now fallen apart because I missed the signs. But, I never expected the fate of what has happened to come down to one single moment based on irrational motives. Things were not good. It was made clear. I made a complete about face and in the process things didn't get better between us. It only seemed to get worse. So much resentment held inside and it should of been let go of. I was making it better but it only got worse.

Eggshells are a commodity in many relationships these days. We spread them before our feet expecting miracles to unravel some respect that should of been set as boundaries in the beginning.

Interesting...

I am me and I can change me. No person can change me.

Intoxicating

Inebriating,
Distance creating,
And emotional feeling that is frustrating.

3 years can not simply be torn apart.
To much has built into more than just a feeling from the heart.

I refuse,
bad news,
you chose,
to give me without a fight or blowing a fuse.

Every little part of me,
can see,
what should be,
an everlasting existence for us D.

My best critic,
You offer your thoughts unlike a cynic.

Why can you not see,
just exactly what you mean to me?

Take away this fear of elated,
jaded,
and emancipated,

grief.

Like a beautiful rose will die without a leaf
We should chose to not let this just be an end based on a past thought or belief.

Destiny?
And elaborate mess we have an option to put in the past and set aside and show no pity.

Left with my head on sideways,
I can not understand why you allow or even ponder this demise for this many days.

We can no longer look into each other eyes.
Can you try to see this and not allow the life of lies?

What we have always thought was the way it should be till death comes about.
It is what we are programed to think even if we have no understanding to the word doubt.

It can eradicate any happiness
It can provide you a feeling loneliness.
Even on a night of such tenderness.

I get it,
You resent

Me and my ways,
Because I neglected you us on many days.

So sorry I am, I wish you could forgive me now so we could work on whats to come.
This has shaken me up more than you think. I hope that one day it is me that you run;

2
We were once new,
People thought we had such a great partnership me and you.

You intoxicate,
should I elaborate?
You have always been, and will always be my one and only mate,
to date.

Her Ways

I wish I could of understood the ways of women these days. It is somewhat confusing at times. I guess anything that means anything really means nothing to different people.

What was important to me I would think would be important to her also. Her wishes were important to me and I did the best I could to show it. And I was doing my best to improve how I showed it. Yeah, I didn't always take to what she wished very well. Probably because I was scared to just let go of my ways that were programed in my head by my upbringing. But, that is really the only explanation I have.

She really touched me in many different ways. She showed me so much more than just being in a relationship. I learned how to share. Or I should say, I was learning how to share more. I realized that giving to a family is something more fulfilling in the long run. I made sacrifices that I can only understand. She probably doesn't see it that way. Or she really didn't understand what they exactly were. But they were there.

Her ways are so worth a reason to hold on to her. I am so depleted of my walls I built up. I wish she could see or just open up to me and offer me a chance to show her I can grow up. That's what it really is all about. Growing up and taking responsibility and being committed to life long commitments. If she does not want children then that's the way it will be. I care about her and accept anything she could throw at me anymore. I think that's where she really got lost when trying to understand me. We started to speak a different language but if we just learned how to translate to each other we would of probably came to some real understanding with each other.

I am open to her ways and I will always be open to her ways. What I feel is what causes men to fight wars and stand up for a love they care so deeply about. Am I wrong? Her ways just seem so right now that we have been apart like we have. She has an upper hand on me in so many different ways.

Hey, it's her ways.